CHAMPAGNE STUFF: England burst the Aussie bubble, script outrageous win in Melbourne Test

Drunk louts, indisciplined, death of Bazball! Oh, how many harsh words cricket fans uttered after England lost the Ashes series 0-3 to Australia on Sunday in Adelaide. And then broke news, the visitors had got drunk, partied hard, hit the bottle, before the disaster at Adelaide, in a resort at Noosa, a resort town.

Negative news, taunts, barbs, abuses, rascals, all words were used to describe Ben Stokes and his boys. Man, one match, one win, that, too, within two days, the whole narrative has changed. Cheer for the lager louts, clap for the dipsomaniacs, raise a toast. Ladies and Gentlemen, what was unthinkable has become reality: England defeated Australia by four wickets at the MCG to make it 1-3 in a series which has bounced back to life. The last dance (fifth Test) is in Sydney in January. Till then celebrate!

This can happen only Down Under, 2,00,000 fans turning up, aggregate, in two days to watch the Melbourne fort collapse as England won against all odds. What was meant to be a ritual of sorts, to go through the motions in a Test series which had already been decided, bounced back to life. This was as ridiculous as Bazball, which has been abused, kicked, and trashed – by one and all, except Brendon McCullum.

Sport is drama and sport can also be melodrama. And yet, sport can be illogical as well, that’s the message which comes from the Magic In Melbourne where England tore the form book to shreds to slay the Aussies. Hang on, what have England won really?

Pride.

Mate, to borrow, an Aussie phrase, this is all about pride. This is about getting kicked in the balls, yet standing up, and fighting back. One win can change the whole narrative, one win can act like balm, even as the diehard English fans stayed stuck in their seats at the MCG, soaking in the atmosphere. For those who will weep a Test match ended in two days, that is not the fault of the Englishmen.

And, yet, because this happened in Australia, the noise is muffled. Had this been a pitch in India, there would have been clarion calls to hang the curator. Oh, no, that is not possible, for this was a drop-in pitch, according to the knowledgeable and discerning. On paper, err, grass, this wicket was supposed to be more stable and more firm, hold up with the right soil mixture and humidity. What one saw was crazy ‘red cherry’ movement like a ballerina wooing the audience.

Did we hear that famous quote again ‘cricket is a game of glorious uncertainties’ as the Englishmen showed pluck, pride and punch to win a dream Test. For those statistically-minded, this win for England in Australia comes after nearly 15 years. The last win was in January 2011, which is as good as ancient history in contemporary cricket since so much of it is played these days.

What stands out, still, is how England scripted this triumph. It is not easy to stand up when you are on the ropes and the count has begun. This is akin to a heavyweight pugilist staring at death and then coming out to throw punches. That these punches connected and floored the Aussies was crazy.

This is sport, this is drama, the very essence of predictability. How much did folks lose on betting tills at Ladbrokes and Betfair, and how many made a fortune, anybody’s guess. This is as crazy as wild card Goran Ivanisivic winning The Championships on People’s Monday in 2001 at Wimbledon.

And the best part, skipper Ben Stokes was so modest at the press conference. Dignified and calm, yet almost apologetic for scripting a win none predicted even in a stupor. Pop the cork, sip the bubbly, the lager louts have won a Test match in Australia. This is as rare as finding fountains in an arid desert. Rub your eyes, just believe it. Cheers England.